


In the mind of the Author

by Pilarcraft



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Relativity Falls, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Is an AU of an AU part of that AU?, Kinda, Maybe OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 15:04:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19359388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pilarcraft/pseuds/Pilarcraft
Summary: We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but I know we'll meet against some sunny day!





	In the mind of the Author

"It's a  ** _D̶͇̓͗͊̀͆̅͊̓̏̈́̎̅̈́̽̕E̶̡̨̧̡̛̞̣͚̻̺̹͖̼͔̫͍̙͐̓̈́͗͐̿̓̇̍̎͊̀̐͜ͅȦ̴̹͎̗̮̹͎̲͑͂̍̄̍͊͑̏ͅͅĻ̴̨̧̗̬͈̩͍̹͖̲͍̮̃͗̉̃̏̈̃̕ͅ_** " The demon said, extending a hand covered in his trademark blue flames. The Author, stoic and non-flinching, extended his own hand as well, finally shaking the dream demon's. Unlike almost every other instance the Dream Demon had made a deal, this time, his physical form began turning to stone. As if seen by a Medusa, the floating triangle came to earth, holding the Author's own hand as he turned into stone, his form jubilant and his eye greedy. The Demon ejected from his stony body, and like he had times and times again, faded the world to gray.

Cackling maniacally, Bill Cipher zoomed towards the Author's eyes, who finally lost his bearing as a familiar look of terror replaced his stoic expression. 

"Oh, I'm here, I'm  _ **f̷̧̯͉̘͔̓̏̈́͝i̸̖̗͕̤̅n̷̟͌͗̏̾̅a̴̩̞̗̽̓̔̉̄ͅl̸̫̈̐̏͛̃l̸̛̦̺͕̖̹̮̥͌̓̂̀̏̅͝ẏ̶̛̟̀̉͐̀͠**_ here!" The demon boasted as he entered the white swathe of nonexistence that was The Author's mind. Slowly floating towards the only door in the endless eternity of nothingless, he cackled, "Look at this place: A perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to ya, Pine Tree. You really know how to clear your m-" he opened the door. The Author was sitting on his favorite chair in his own study, below the Mystery Shack.  _Huh_. Cipher half-expected some feeble attempt from the man to stop him. Hell, he expected begging, he expected anger, fear, maybe hatred in the man's cold eyes. He didn't expect Dipper Pines sitting on a chair, drinking a bottle of Pitt Cola.

"-mind!" he finished his sentence, as curious as he was homicidal. 

"Hey Bill" Dipper said in the most tired tone he had ever heard of him. More exhausted than exactly before the portal, more exhausted than after surviving Bill's own Mindscape, more exhausted after seven eternities in the Realm of Nothingness and thirty years away from home. "Welcome back"

"No Fighting? Aw Pine Tree, you  _still_ take the fun out of everything"

"Well, I made a deal didn't I?" Dipper cracked a small smile, "You know where to find what you look for."

"Don't mind if I  ** _D̵̢̦̝̾͌̏͆O̴̺̬̿͐_** " Bill zoomed towards the small bookcase above Dipper's work table on the other side of the room, "Gotta hand it to you, Pine Tree. You certainly cleaned the place nicely since the last time I was here" he chattered mindlessly, scrolling the thousands of books in the bookcase in a speed that would set the earth on fire if he had tried it in the Mortal Plane  _hmm, now there's an idea_.

Thousands of books, each representing a 'category' of memories in the Author's well-organized mind, were thrown aside as The Dream Demon zoomed to find the so-called simple equation that could undo Gravity Falls' Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism.  _Dipper's Romantic Ventures. Dipper's Personal Spells and Incantations. Dippers Secret Dream. Department X. Wendy Corduroy. Pacifica Northwest. Dipper's Worst Nightmares._

Wait. 

 _Department X_.

Cackling like a loon as all the books were returned to their original spot as though he'd never touched them, The Demon opened the book. It had to contain stuff the stick-in-the-mud didn't want to think about or boast that he knew, so it definitely had to have the equation too somewhere.

Three thousand and ninety-seven pages later, He had found it.  _He had finally found it_.

"Dipper's Solution to GFNLW"

and...  _it was blank?_

 

" _w̴̛̤͓͍͑͌̒̆̾h̴̜͋̎̈̌̆͒̽̽̽͆̐̐͝͝a̶̧̳̲̞̱̕t̷̢͖̹͎̪̝̜̟̹͇̜̼͇́ͅ?̸̰̀̇̂͊̓̄͗͘_ " The Dream Demon screamed in fury, turning towards the human who was the most used to his distorted 'angry voice' " _Ḯ̶̫̥̠͍͎̖̟̭̮̦̜̗̠̄̂̀̿̌̈́̈́̕t̴̯͇͍̞̱͕̯͇̙̮̝̭͑̈́̔̑̀̈̂̅͛̔̇̚͝'̶̨̹͇͕͍̻̪̱̭͈̌̂͒̐̀s̵̨̡̮̱̭̮̹͇̱̙͊̃̈́̔̇̊͂͆͜͜͜ ̵̻̥̳͚̻̭̱̯̘̏̃͜͜B̷͇̜͇̳̗̋́̿́̔̒̏̇̃͛̚̕͜l̸̠̘̝̭̞͓̺͕̓͌a̴̡̰̰̺̫̜̭̫͉̼̯̓̈́̓̓̔̀͐͐͋̾̽̚ṇ̸̛̼͍̻̯͓͖͓̺̹̫̯̼̌̍̃̊̋̈̌̓̏͌̌͝k̵͍͎͙̞̰̇̍̿̋̃̓͂̾̓̌͘!̸̢̡̪͚̥͖̭͇̼̟̈͐ ̸̙̼́̽̈́͝W̸̺͇͍͙̮̖̖̱̝̔͜H̷͇̭̩̑̎͘͠͠Y̴̢̳̗̼̯̞͖͆ ̷̮̜͕̙̟͔̻̱̞̭̊͗̓̅̋͐̈́͘͜͜I̵͈͊̓͌͑͂̆̔̚ͅŞ̸̲̬̬̤̟̳͑̏̈́̽͐̈ ̴̛̛̫͈̲̒͒̾͋̏̍I̷͓̯̩̖͙͕͛̈́̓̾Ṫ̴͚̺͔͎̝̹͓̳̐̆̈́͝ ̸͚̬̰͚̘̺͍̿̓̇̎̌͒̒B̴̧̛̪̬̲̮̣̹̘̞̼̏̎̐̃̅̐̄̆͛̂̑̎͝Ļ̵̨̡̨̨̖̰̯̰̭͉̦͕̳̐̃̐̾̾͆̉͘A̵̛̛̺̗̐̎̌̓̈̓̋̋̅N̷̹̲͎̮̲͛̑̊̆̆̔̄̀̚ͅḴ̵̨̨͖̲͚̲͈̩̜̘͇͎͙̍͐̾̉̇̔̅̈́͝?̶̡̳̬̮̩͐̿̎͐̐̒̇̐̂̅_ "

"Oh come now Cipher," he said, putting down the book he was reading  _Dipper's Most Cherished Memories_ , and flashing a grin at the other man. "You didn't really think it'd be  _that_ easy, did you?"

"Why is it Blank, Pine Tree?" the Triangular Demon snarled,  _"How did you trick the Laws of Arbitration_?"

"That's the beauty of it, Bill. I didn't" he chuckled. "I  _know_ I can solve the solution, but I don't know how. I haven't known how ever since I put up the wards against you in the Shack. For a master of Arbitration, you're pretty easy to trick when you're not paying attention"

" _THE DEAL'S OFF!"_ Bill began, only for Dipper he raise a hand, "No it's not"

" _I'm going to get out of here and when I do, I'm going to kill ė̸̛͍̞͍͍̜͖̪̰̯͐͒͌͐͛v̴̨̳͉̦̦̤̱̟͈͑͊ͅe̷̺͉͇͎̐͌̾̽̈r̸̢̳̹̤̰̠̹̻̰̹͖͉̉̚͘͜͜͠y̷̮̪͕̦̲̑͒̆̋̌̎o̶͔̱̖̯̺̠̮͇̦̟̿͒͐̓̾̚͠n̸̡̘͈͕̬̼̉̈̈́̿̄̚͠͝͝ë̶̞̃̈́̈́͌͑͑̆͐͋̇̂͘͝ in that town, starting with your pesky sister and-"_ "No you're not"

"WHAT?" Bill said in what was, for the first time in how-long-it-was that Dipper had known him, fear.

And that was when the metal door was set aflame.

* * *

 

 **Meanwhile in the Physical Realm** a grieving sister knelt by his brother's side, drawing out a contraption out of the man's Trench-coat that looked suspiciously like a Steampunk pistol. She rose, aimed at the blank face of his brother, and with a shaky hand, pulled the trigger.

* * *

 

"WHAT THE?" the demon turned in fear, "NO NO NO NO" he looked as flames as blue as his own when in  _Arbitration_ , slowly rose on the walls of the tiny room the man and demon were in. 

"Oh yeah," he chuckled, "You're over, Bill. Honestly you should have seen this coming."

"BUT YOU'LL BE OVER TOO! HOW ARE YOU SO CALM?" the demon asked the man who was calmly turning a page in his  _Most Cherished Memories_ , not even looking at the demon that was about to be erased alongside him.

"Heh. That's just the thing you never realized about us  _meat sacks_ , Cipher. We're mortal and we know it. I've known this ever since I stepped into your Mindscape, this is nothing new." Dipper said, his open book on his knees as he looked at the Demon with a surprisingly sad look on his face. "Face your end with some dignity, Bill. Call upon Axolotl and invoke your right to return. Maybe next time you won't be as messed up."

Bill Cipher, the demon who's name can't be pronounced by human vocal cords, paled. Or he would, if he had the ability to. " _How do you know that?"_

"Oh I know Lots of things.  _Lot's of Things_."

 


End file.
